Battlefield

I am back.

Again..

and it has been such a turbulence of everything, since the last time I ever wrote anything.

Perhaps the whole category on "Complication" does gave a domino effect entirely.

Bust Your Window

gLee flashmob by random alphabets was awesome.

i've met the best gLeeks in the country, maybe in the world. and through #gleekl twitter as well.

you can google the videos, and look it up on Star World advertisement as well. I'd be the one wearing purple. photos are all over random alphabets albums.

and the things that happened in between was not.

it was all fun, but honestly there has been some misery that took placed in between.

i'm such a big jerk.

with someone i thought was special all these while.

now i've lost it.

Cherry Tree Carol

It has been a week plus since I last wrote anything here. Temper tantrums mixed with random emotional breakdown.

With GLEE, I came back.

Last week was like a roller coaster. Ups and downs.

Will do more job search this week.

My training shoe is torn. I almost went moody. Then again, I realized some hardware shop might have the glue to fix it.

The weekend went awesome, with picnic and fruitful meeting with fellow alumni.

Now, busy week ahead.

Will write more, when I have the time.

I'm going to Random Alphabets GLEE Flashmob Dance : KL Chapter. Are you?

Teardrops on My Guitar

My mum's birthday was on Saturday. I wish I was home with her.

My host dad in Oklahoma also celebrated his birthday the same day as my mum. Except he is on the other side of the world. I wish to be with him too.

Sometime you just will never get what you want in life. You plan, plan and plan but only The Almighty decides.

I feel demotivated, as my never ending struggle with studies goes I strive to get the best grades. While I know some people who get good grades they would then get some kind of gift from their parents, I was bound to expect nothing even if I already have the best grades so far.

Still I should thank them for the emergency moments they are available to fork in some penny for me.

But then again, its depressing to know all these years, its still a struggle of which I may just not want to explain more in details.

Money is evil.

Sigh.

I need a hug.

I'm Gonna Getcha Good

Me and the KTM Komuter has this love-hate relationship;

1. I regularly take it to Midvalley, once the only civilization I rely on to run away from college
2. The gym, which I go to, in attempt to gain some weight and loose the fugly belly which doesn't match skinny body
3. To wherever else but here

However, regardless of how many times I scream, shout, push, bitch, tweet, FB-ed it, nothing will ever change.

Today the Komuter didn't come. Instead it was the old train. I took it at 5.42pm from Midvalley. It stopped in Tasik Selatan. I assumed it will do the same in Serdang.

No, it just went away to Kajang, and had to wait another 20 minutes there.

My timing plan ruined. I missed the previous shuttle bus and the next one is just too late and too close to Maghrib hour.

So, I waited back in Serdang for the Metrobus, and hopped on one, which dropped me close enough to the stall outside UNITEN and then walked back to college.

I doubt anyone walk as much as I do in where I study.

Hostile takeover the Board of Director and Senior Management, anyone?

(P/S: Its good training for the marathon to walk, isn't it?)

I'll Stand By You

Saya tak pandai karang dalam BM.

Tapi ada orang minat jadi saya cuba lagi.

Macam orang lain, saya pun ada masalah. Macam-macam.

Kengkawan. Duit. Study. Masa depan. Dan lain-lain.

Tapi notakakinya, saya ada masalah low self esteem. Saya tak tahu apa maknanya dalam BM.

Oh. Rendah diri kot?

Orang pikir saya penuh konfiden. Main redah je. Umor belum 20 dah merata pusing dunia.

Sendiri. Egypt, USA saya pegi dengan program petukaran pelajar.

Thailand, Indonesia, Singapura, Vietnam, Cambodia saya redah pakai duit gaji kerja sendiri. Kalau sesak saya talipon kat mak saya. Tu pun saya segan sebab saya tak suka susah famili sendiri. Bukan orang senang-lenang.

Oh bebalik kat masalah awal.

Saya rendah diri. Saya rasa diri tak menarik. Orang tak minat kat saya. Bukan nya elok sangat. Gelap sikit. Rambut kembang tak sepasal. Cakap main lepas kadang-kadang. Pikir sangat pasal masalah antarabangsa. Risau kebajikan orang. Macam orang cakap tak hot, tak jambu tak ada orang nak. Kot?

Entah la.

Tapi saya pun tak tahu kenapa saya pikir merepek.

Serius, saya merepek sekarang.

Baik tengok Glee saja.

Blog ni penuh kategori "Komplikasi". Aura negatif semata-mata.

Geek In The Pink

Bila kita suka kat seseorang.

Tapi dia tak ada dekat kita.

Tapi ada orang lain dekat kita.

Tapi dia memang bukan untuk kita.

Tapi kita risau bila dia tiada.

Atau hilang dia.

Walau sebagai kawan.

Bagaimana?

Saya tak ada pengalaman.

Saya pening.

Saya nak pegi jauh dari sini.

Jauh dari semua benda.

Dan orang.

Boleh?

I'm Like A Bird

Well apparently, I can continue staying in hostel. Don't know why, but must definitely thank the small petite abang who works in the accommodation department. When I first met him with such snub face he told me off I couldn't stay and the next day while having lunch, he came to me after tapau-ing his own lunch and said;

Mr Kamal: "Nak bayar hostel kan? Skang dah boley dah. Baru dapat info this morning"

I'm beyond joy!

I can apply to work as Barista without worrying about transportation.

I can go to the city regularly without worrying about transportation.

I can volunteer as usual without worrying about transportation.

I can attend US Embassy function without worrying about transportation.

I can go to yoga classes without worrying about transportation.

Whooooot whoooooot.

Best of all, I don't have to worry about moving my trash out from my room.

I called them Kreativ (organized) Mess. However, this photos resemble June 2009. Its much worse today. I feel sorry for my roomate.

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

I went to pay for my hostel fees and was instead told to evacuate my room for the future 1st year students.

Its rather unfair, methinks looking at those seniors who have been staying in the campus for more than few years as they also seemed to be mingling around doing nothing and they even own cars.

What more, me, the ultimately hobo, who is forever desperate and in need to rely on public transportations.

I'm lost in limbo.

Why?

The content of my room is more than any typical-average college students would be. My room is like a home, filled with piles of books and magazine, and my wardrobe is overcrowded with clothes.

Nevermind the bottles I collect for recycling purposes. Everything seemed to be mounting in mess too now that I'm just too busy with exams.

Ultimately, I worry about logistic. My parents are offering my dad's Waja, but it just breakdown a lot. Go figure.

I'm lost in limbo.

I fear not being able to enjoy the privilege of waking up 5 minutes before class starts anymore in the most comfortable, ground floor room in the campus.

Footnote:

Never step into that University College in Jalan Serdang-Kajang, if you ever plan to study in wonderful place that has in-campus housing. It may be cheap with so much of advertisement and that huge-ass billboard over the walkway across Petaling Street, but the infrastructure is horrible mess.

They may own the right of maintenance of roads in most main roads in the country and perhaps be profiting from everywhere, and renown to be the so-called best in Civil Engineering (which isn't anything I'm studying anyway). However, they sucks in maintaining the infrastructure in the campus, and not able to provide sufficient accommodation for everyone.

Bottomline, just don't make a big mistake like I did. There are better place for education, even if they are money/for-profit base. At least they know the students need and pay attention to it (some, at least). And don't bother talking about public universities. I don't even belong there.

Down The River

I am a terrible person.

Ignore my previous post, or more humiliatingly, ignorant thoughts.

What do you do when the one you think you care for most, is in the edge of his or her life, due to chronic unavoidable disease?

A person with cancer, or certain blood sickness has cure right?

What if the doctor said there is chances of living for another 15 years, when usually its less than 5 years?

Unfortunately, the strength has weaken.

What kind of support should be given asides from emotional support?

If you have any experience, or know someone or has knowledge in these matter, we need to talk.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

Well, you thought you were so in love with someone when the feeling and affection was all time high.

However, its just getting no nowhere, and perhaps disappearing.

Maybe love really happens when you least expected it, and my expectation was as expected?

I don't know. I'm in the midst of giving up. Its been like this since secondary school. The first ever didn't work out, and we became good friends still. Now, she is in Russia.

Maybe I'm just not good enough regardless of how much effort I already put and the pain and sacrifices.. is now no longer worth it?

How could a person who was just forever there, suddenly becomes too busy for you.

Sigh.

Maybe I'm best having nothing?

I designed this for final project, but was deliberately not given good comments.

Crushed, literally felt.

I give up on dreaming having to do anything with advertising. Is it a goodbye, Leo Burnett?

I should go to bed now.

No Woman, No Cry

I wanted to write something but I totally lost my mind about it.

I've been too hooked over the assignment and need ideas to sketch for an advertisement for Loacker Quadratini.. and adsoftheworld.com just got too addictive.

My contact lens are drying and I'm hungry but I'm on a really tight budget so I rather skip dinner.

Maybe ideas will come soon.

Hopefully.

And this slow wifi is pissing me off. Dang it.

Folsom Prison Blues

The one big thing I hate to talk about especially with my family is money.

Which reminds me of the incident most recently when a young boy from group of the orphanage children we brought to Botanical Garden for class final project asking few of us a very deep, critical question from the mind of a pure and innocent child.

Boy: "Brother, brother, what is the dirtiest thing is the world?"

Me: "Um.. got a lot lah"

Boy: "You think leh?"

Me: "Toilet?"

Boy: "No.. my father said the dirtiest thing in the world is money"

Sigh.

I grew up with privileges. Now, I struggle and keeping record of every coin I spend.

Even the accommodation fees is soon, going to be a new challenge. Its just too bad that the loan I get is enough to cover the tuition fee.

More headaches to come.

When It All Falls Apart

Well, its gone and done now. A week ago or so, it was something and now its nothing. At least something happened.

Sigh.

I was home on Monday, right after I've sent off the ultimate-sushi-arts-for-grab-KLpac-camp-volunteer-partnet-in-crime to New Zealand to further her studies. Her flight departed on Sunday and I left for home the following day. Urgh, this sentence became just too redundant.

Anyway, going to Klang for Gong Xi at Tyng's was a challenge as I missed the morning bus and the train was being bitchy and late, and there was just too many foreign workers with their very foreign body odour. Dang.

I've not been writing much nor been reading any other blog as I got too lazy and just too overwhelmed with so many stalkers coming in and the probability of me being googled is all time high right after the never-happened-incident with youknowwho.

You can never have anything you want most in life, and when you have it and you'd screw the moment immediately and thats it.

Life goes on.

Heartbreaker

I'm at home, and its not for long.

Had Char Kuey Teow, and mum's fusili+schrimp+mushroom+whipped cream pasta which she learned from Carmen.

Met Tok Nah. Love to laugh with her. Such an amazing grandmother, although we're not biologically related as she was just my greatgrandma's adopted sister.

Possibly a few mandatory checklist did make it this time.

I can be slightly a Happy Gilmore.

And I screwed up things with youknowwho.

Will never be forgiven, and will forever be left with bad rapport.

All Dressed Up In Love

screw it.

Family Potrait

I never like to get phone call from home, especially when the news isn't something you look forward to.

Something is really bothering my mind now.

Whatever it is, I will always love my mum endlessly.

Let It Bleed

I told you I'm never good with love, and never exactly to want to expose about it never mind giving in details.

And commonly, I always felt unwanted.

It might just not work out at all.

Its always too hard to find the right one, who understands you and love you for who you are, what you are, what you do, and what you love.

Worse is, to find someone who love you for what you do in life, and the trouble you go to achieve it and at the same time achieving the love as well.

There's already two major turbulences in the last 2-weeks. How will it even survive?

I'm not giving up. Its just maybe more space needed.

After all, might just be another single Valentine again. Sigh.

L.O.V.E.

Amazingly, I have not been writing much as I wanted too. Too many things happened in a single month and not all are necessary to be told to the world, or rather just mere gibberish whine.

Oh, remember my lost Nike flip-flops? Its home now. Someone put it right outside my room on Sunday morning and when I was back on Saturday the day before there was nothing. Perhaps the curse I made upon the thief worked?

I have 2 pair of these Nike and 4 pairs of Old Navy (which cost US$5 for 2)

Anyway, the last 3 weeks were filled with forever never ending assignments plus with a teaspoon of procrastination everything just worked too well to the point where I do not exactly get enough sleep.

Also, January became the month of non spending which I therefore did not enter Topman and Zara after December 31st purchases. However, the money cumulated was not enough to last me to the end of the month and I still do not understand where it went missing. Airport run, perhaps? I had to take several taxi rides too due to the hopeless shuttle bus around. Each taxi ride cost 10 bucks.. so imagine 2 rides already can be pain in the hole of the pocket, no?

I have made few new friends over the month and the networking seemed to be very interesting variety. Also, I have new buddies to just talk to. I'm a happy Gilmore, really. Facebook and some other social networking sites seemed to be finally useful. Games are forever addictive too on Facebook. Damn. Aside from being really tired and annoyed with the slow load of Farmville, I still could not compete on Virtual Flights. Perhaps its time to just stick to Airline Manager?

Pfft. I dislike the warm weather. I miss those 2 weeks in December when it just rained and drizzle nonstop for 2-weeks.

And yes, the title has hidden meaning. Nothing to decrypt, but just a possibility.

=)

Take A Chance On Me

I officially gained 5kg. That's an impressive achievement, if you have been following me blogging since 2006 from my previous older blog with all the so-called campaign like "make me gain weight" or "feed me more".

However, I do not fancy gaining weight. Its typically possible when I go abroad on exchange program which was to Egypt and USA and my face would have turned round and with shorter hair back then, I felt like a soccer ball.

Unfortunately, I may not fit in some of my Topman XS-sized shirts, and sometime skinny gets too tight.

All thanks to recent workout, and excessive food consumption too. Body combat is fun, and so is pilates. I wish I had more gym buddies around as motivation. Its not like I want to go Schwarzenegger but just nice enough at the same time looking rather thin. Weird, isn't it?

I just need to be less lazy and do more sit ups so I wouldn't have a belly. Its just another minor phobia and I get pretty annoyed when mini tummy shows up when I wear slightly smaller sized shirts.

Weekend is here and currently its raining heavily.

And so are my assignments.

Dang it.